Open note to Smashwords

WARNING: I’m not talking in my I’m At Work So Have To Be Nice To Fucking Morons mode. This will be neither G-rated, nor polite. If you have a problem with that quit reading this here.

You know, here it is, 21 November 2012. According to your own plans for the year, guys, you were going to actually get with the rest of the epublishing universe and start accepting ePub files directly “before the end of the year”.

True, it isn’t the end of the year yet, but it’s damned close.

Worst part, guys, is that not accepting direct ePub would be fine, plenty of the other guys take .doc and .docx too, but for the way your stupid shit works.

I mean what kind of retarded do you have to be to write something that accepts .doc, but the meticulous, idiotic, oh gods no please don’t use built in shit that’s been part of the format and program since before there was a Windows95 way that you do it. I mean, shit, why not be straight about it, you want RTFs.

Seriously, building endnote by hand? Are you fucking mental?! No this, none of that, and these things here are a big fat no way, too. What the hellfuck kind of epubs are you making? EPUB1?? And there’s a reasonable conversion method, plenty of well written software out there can do this, for elements that really can’t be in ePub. Naturally just about anything goes where PDF is concerned.

So all I can assume is that your real reason for the batshit crazies in your meatgrinder piece of shit is because you’re really aiming for RTF and that ancient Sony eReader format, and all the newer stuff is being upconverted from those. That’s really fucked up, and completely retarded. If someone actually still needs RTF or Sony eReader 1.x they can bloody well get a version reformatted out of a newer format. Down convert.

Who the fuck even still uses that shit anyway? Here’s a hint, guys, there’s probably a reason your crazy arses are the only one still producing stuff that way. Fucking hell, even godsdamned Baen has figured this out already and those retards were still making fucking original mobi rocket files until a year or two ago!

Of course you have some serious anal retentive control freak issues too. I mean, seriously, does your shit really need such a uniform fucking title page? I doubt it, once again, you folks are the only ones that do that.

If your shit was easier, more sensible, and all that other stuff that falls under the umbrella word of convenient, you might get more authors. Especially given what ISBNs cost in the US and their requirement for getting into some eBook sellers like iBooks (well, if you want money, free stuff doesn’t need it usually). Simultaneous distribution to all those sellers? Hells yeah! But no, first off you can’t automate a process that any halfwit programmer can see how to do – epubcheck is a fucking command line utility with open sourcecode and a bloody simple i/o. Do you really need to check by hand? If so, hire a lot more people. It all comes down to customer service, and your customers are as much the authors as the readers shopping your store.

There, I feel better now.

Enhanced by Zemanta

Comments are closed.